Steam Deck Renamed to "The Stitch" to Confuse Parents During the Holiday Shopping Season — Kind of Sounds Like "Switch"

Steam is acting like a bit of a sore loser. Despite their console being more powerful, with more options, memory, games, expansion capabilities, mod support, graphical capabilities, and a better screen, it’s still being beaten by what can only be described as the portable equivalent of a PS2. Instead of accepting that Daddy Nintendo will always be more popular than Grandaddy Gabe, Steam has decided to fight fire with fire. They’re renaming the Steam Deck to The Stitch because, well, it sort of sounds like The Switch. And let’s face it — that’s what many parents will be asking for instead of Steam’s “garbage console.”

We reached out to a GameStop employee (how many more years will we be able to say that phrase?) to get his take on how well this strategy will work. “To be honest, I have so many parents come in here asking to buy ‘an Xbox,’ ‘a Playstation,’ or ‘a Nintender for my boy’ that I actually think this could work,” Norbert Fannywhistle told us on Friday.

“People will literally buy whatever I tell them to, because they have no idea what I’m talking about and are too lazy to Google something for 30 seconds. That’s why Fortnite, a free game, is on our shelves. It’s nothing but an empty box with a download code for skins, and it’s still one of the best-selling games we have. People are stupid,” Mr. Fannywhistle said.

“Nintendo is the most popular option for kids, and who shops for kids? Parents. And what do parents know about video games? Nothing. They know as much about games as their kids know about the crippling loot box gambling addiction that gaming will eventually lead to.”

This holiday season is going to be interesting as many children go under the tree expecting to find Mario but instead find Gabe Newell with a big smile and a fat wallet. Perhaps it won’t be all disappointment though. Children are quick to forget once they realize how crazy some of those winter/fall sales are on Steam. That, and the plethora of hentai furry games... That's surely one thing Nintendo will never be able to compete with.

Source: Trust me, bro.