.png)
Nintendo has a unique problem that most other companies don’t have (except EA, of course). They need to convince people to shell out $70 for a new version of a game they’ve already released six times. Mario Kart, Mario Party, and Smash Bros all feature incredibly similar gameplay, yet somehow, Nintendo must offer just enough of a new spin to justify a fresh purchase. With each iteration, it gets harder, as the pool of things you can change starts to shrink. It looks like this time, Nintendo is throwing caution to the wind and releasing a Smash Bros game like never before. Introducing Smash Bros: Nobody’s First Pick.
This information comes from an anonymous leaker named Sasahiro Makurai, who is apparently being “held captive” at Nintendo HQ, unable to go home. According to Makurai, the development team felt they’d perfected the Smash formula with the last entry and wanted to hand the project off to another team so they could finally put something else on their resumes. But Nintendo refused. As an act of defiance, the team reluctantly agreed to make the game, but only on one condition: they’d include only characters that have never been put on a “Most Wanted” Smash Bros list.
Makurai’s letter, which was written in his own blood, provided the following details: "Gone is the base roster. No Mario, no Link, and no sexy Isabelle Dog. We really scraped the bottom of the sh*t barrel for this one. The tagline will read ‘No one is here!’. This game will feature all newcomers, with none returning from previous games—except for Min-Min, because even after Ultimate, still nobody wants her. The roster is still being decided since new terrible games keep coming out. But so far, we have Pepsiman, the red weight-button from Portal, everyone from Concord (I could name them, but you wouldn’t know who they are anyway), the announcers from NHL 15, Skylar White from Breaking Bad, Ecco the Dolphin’s roommate, Jar-Jar Binks, and Barbara Gordon (in wheelchair) from Arkham Knight."
This information came at “great cost,” and at the bottom of the letter were some non-Smash related scribbles, featuring the letters “SOS” written over and over. We assume this stands for Stages of Smash, which we hope is a sneaky tease for what will be leaked next. Makurai claimed he only leaked the information because it was the only way to get people to read the blood-soaked letter, but honestly, all we care about now is eagerly waiting for Nintendaddy to announce the next Direct.
At this point, all we can do is sit back, relax, and wait for Nintendo’s official reveal of Smash Bros: Nobody’s First Pick. One thing we did notice, however, is that Waluigi was not in the list of leaked characters, which has us greatly concerned. Perhaps Nintendo will give us a chance to throw even more money at them with an extra DLC pack. The pack could follow the theme of Nobody’s First Pick and be called Everyone’s Least Favorite DLC Character, that way Waluigi would fit right in!
Source: Trust me, bro.
Comments