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We have an exclusive report on rhythm-based games such as Crypt of the NecroDancer and Hi-Fi Rush. They suck. The report we did found that they suck. Not because they’re bad games, but because they make players feel bad about themselves while playing.
Keeping a beat is a skill that can be extremely useful in life. If you’re good at it, it can open up a ton of opportunities. Imagine serenading women while playing guitar, busting moves at the club to impress women (so they’ll go home with you), or saving a life by performing CPR to the tune of Stayin' Alive. All of those things involve going outside and impressing women. And let’s be real, those are two things that most gamers are definitely not good at. We don’t need a report to tell you that.
But some gamers are the exception, not the rule. A select few have a Rain Man-like ability to hone in and play to the rhythm, doing insane things like playing Concord without wanting to off themselves. It’s truly remarkable, but unfortunately, most gamers don’t possess this ability. Most of us flounder when a game requires us to play to a specific beat. This causes anxiety, makes us question our very existence as gamers, and eventually forces us to switch the game to easy mode when no one is looking.
Rhythm-based games are fine, but only if you’re looking to hate yourself. These games actively undermine the uncoordinated fools whose only crime was wanting to enjoy a hobby they’re usually good at.
The sample size we used for the report includes everyone here at The Peanut Gallery, so we know it’s entirely accurate and definitely not just based on one guy’s struggles. Seriously though, why do I suck at rhythm-based games?
Source: Trust me, bro.
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