Next Smash Bros. Game to Feature Only Kirby, Creator Sakurai Says: "I’m Tired, Boss," with a Single Tear Down His Cheek

Masahiro Sakurai is a man of many titles: Creator, foot fetish enthusiast, and even Daddy Sakurai. His decisions and game-making process are the stuff of legend and should probably be studied in universities by future generations. Of course, he’s best known for the Super Smash Bros. series, which he’s worked on in some capacity since the very first game in 1999. So it should come as no surprise when I tell you that this man is very tired.

Sakurai himself took the stage at a press conference this morning, looking visibly drained, and began his statement with the words: “...I’m tired, boss.” A reference that will definitely go over the heads of many younger gamers. As a single tear rolled down his cheek, he revealed that Nintendo had his family “hostage” and would not release them until he agreed to make another Smash Bros. game.

Earlier this year, reports surfaced that Nintendo had forced Sakurai to record over 100 YouTube videos to help train their internal AI technology to replicate his mind. Apparently, this plan hasn’t exactly worked, since they’re now resorting to more drastic measures to make sure the next Smash game happens.

Sakurai’s reluctant announcement of the next Smash Bros. title came with a shocking caveat: the only playable character will be Kirby, to cut down on development time. "It’s just Kirby now,” Sakurai added. “It’s all about Kirby. He’s been the real star all along, not me. I can’t keep up anymore.”

Fans of the series have already expressed their displeasure over the lack of new characters, somehow glossing over the fact that Sakurai’s family is literally being held hostage. “I don’t care about any of that,” said popular streamer sKiNNyNuTZ. “Those are his personal problems, not mine. I want Shrek in the game! I want Mii costumes of lolis! I want Waluigi’s graceful beauty to bless me when I open up the game. Yelling ‘Wahhhhh!’ is the only thing I find funny anymore, so if we can’t have that, they might as well cancel the whole thing.”

While it remains to be seen whether Smash Bros.: Kirby Edition will satisfy fans, one thing is clear: Sakurai is very, very tired. 

Source: Trust me, bro.