IguanaBee Apologizes for Terrible King Kong Game: Their Next Game Will Be What Fans Want: Kong’s Life as a Jewish Person

IguanaBee made a truly terrible King Kong game earlier this year. The fact that it was even allowed to be sold is deeply unsettling. Knowing it’s sitting on store shelves, ready to be played by unsuspecting customers, hurts us more than the Gollum game ever could.

Here at The Peanut Gallery, we reviewed the game and gave it a whopping 1/10. Our reviewer had this to say: "The only reason they got that 1 point is because the game is technically physically here. Sort of like when a teacher gives you points just for writing your name and handing in an assignment. That was the approach I took here." Chris Raedeke finished his review by noting: "There is no torture method on earth comparable to playing this game. No redemption, no mercy for the souls who decided this was a good idea, and no reason anyone should ever turn this game on unless they're actively seeking a reason to end it all. My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined."

IguanaBee has taken careful note of the backlash from fans and promises their next game will focus on something they know fans can actually get behind: King Kong’s life as a practicing Jew. The budget for this next project will double that of the first game (from a modest $114 to a whopping $228) and will allow them to fully harness the hidden power of the PlayStation 2 that’s buried somewhere in the PlayStation 5.

Here are some of the exciting gameplay features we can expect when the game finally drops:

1. Kosher Diet and Food Mechanics

Players will help King Kong prepare kosher meals by selecting proper ingredients, following kosher guidelines (like separating meat and dairy), and making sure everything is prepared according to Jewish dietary laws. 

2. Shabbat Preparation and Observance

King Kong will undertake missions to prepare for Shabbat (the Jewish day of rest). This will include gathering ingredients for a festive meal, setting up a table with candles, and ensuring the environment is peaceful before sundown. 

3. Ethical Decision-Making

As a practicing Jew, King Kong will face moral dilemmas based on Jewish ethics, such as questions of honesty, integrity, and justice. The game will also include environmental protection missions, where King Kong will apply the Jewish principle of bal tashchit (the prohibition against wasting or destroying for no reason).

Even though this is a major departure from the original King Kong game, it already seems like a huge improvement. Hopefully the developers are confident in their decision to give fans “what they really want.”

Source: Trust me, bro.