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Today, Nintendaddy graced us with a sneak peek at the Nintendo Switch 2, leaving hardcore fans edging on the edge of their seats. After a brief video reveal, it became crystal clear that gamers are in for a treat later this year. Some of the most exciting new features include 4K graphics (at least when the console is in rest mode), backward compatibility with physical game cartridges—but only if you buy the brand-new “Cartridge Insert Adapter”, and of course, Joy-Con drift “right out of the box,”.
But among all these groundbreaking innovations, there was one detail they conveniently left out: The Nintendo Switch 2 will no longer use a rechargeable battery. Instead, it will run exclusively on six “D” batteries. Yes, you read that right—D batteries. If you don’t know, D batteries are best known for being a great way to fill a sock so it can be used as a flailing weapon, or for disappointing kids at Christmas when their new gifts require them.
Nerds worldwide—us included—are itching for the new console to hit the shelves so our wallets can switch from “full” to “empty” in record time. However, this little “D” battery surprise has us slightly concerned. The original Nintendo Switch’s adorable little “children-mined” lithium-ion battery held more charge than you’d expect from something made with such small hands. The thought of having to switch back to a battery powered handheld is giving us flashbacks of the traumatic days when our Pokémon Red save files disappeared because our charge died before we could find a save point. Those were dark times.
Now, this might be totally unrelated, but Nintendo did just announce that they’ve upped their stake in the American battery giant Duracell to a whopping 98%. Sure, it’s probably just a coincidence. After all, Nintendo isn’t a company driven by profits or the pursuit of wealth in our ever-demanding capitalist world. What they really care about is letting us live our best lives in cozy farming sims—and nothing else. I mean, if they actually cared about money, they would've already released Wind Waker HD on the Switch. But we digress.
In addition to the D battery reveal, there’s more shocking news! The original Switch dock, which many critics (and people with working eyes) deemed little more than a 3D-printed piece of plastic, is getting a complete makeover. The new dock will be 40% bigger, will return to using AV cables (Yellow & White only) to connect to your TV, and will be shaped like a dodecahedron. We don’t actually know what a dodecahedron is, but it sounds fancy, and frankly, we have already decided Nintendo will be getting several of our paychecks so we no longer care.
It seems like the more we learn about the Nintendo Switch 2, the more questions we have though. Will there be a new shirtless Mario game at launch? Does Nintendo have the guts to release an anatomically correct Pokémon game? Will D batteries at least come included with the console? Only time will tell. Well, except for the Pokémon one—we can pretty much guarantee that’s a no-go.
Source: Trust me, bro.
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