.png)
EA Sports has unveiled its boldest football game yet, NFL Injury Reserve 2025, a radical departure from their usual formula. The new game will exclusively feature NFL players who have spent more time in the trainer’s room than on the field, making it a true celebration of the unsung heroes who never get to see the end zone—but definitely see a lot of the bench.
EA spokesperson and self-proclaimed football genius, Brock “SkinnyPenis” McTackle, had this to say: “We wanted to show the world that it’s not just about the players who make the game-winning plays. It’s about the players who complain their fingers hurt the second they touch the ball. We’re all about inclusion, and this game is for the true warriors—the ones who spend 80% of their career getting MRI scans.”
The roster for NFL Injury Reserve 2025 is a true masterpiece. Forget your Tom Bradys and Patrick Mahomes—the real stars here are the players who’ve managed to stay out of the action by staying out of the action. Among the confirmed roster are:
Todd “The Torn ACL” Thompson – Massages his calves while making direct eye contact with the camera.
Danny “The Concussion Protocol” Davis – Known for his high-flying catches and memory loss of his entire family.
Brock “The Rotator Cuff” Baker – Hasn’t thrown a pass since 2017, but has been getting regular checks ever since.
But don’t expect this to be your typical sports sim. EA has promised a revolutionary game mechanic: the Injury Cam. Players will experience the thrill of watching their favorite athletes undergo every check-up and rehab session in real time. It’s like The Sims, but much more methodically curated without a “skip cutscene” button.
EA also announced that the game’s online mode will feature a “Fantasy Injury League,” where players draft their own lineup of hurt athletes and rack up points based on how many weeks they’re unable to play. “It’s really about embracing the spirit of the sport,” said McTackle. “Injuries are just part of the game. So why not let players gamble on who’s going to get carted off next? It’s what football’s really about.”
As for the actual gameplay, it seems like EA’s not taking any chances. The game’s mechanics will focus heavily on QTE one-button presses to send your player to the sideline for a “quick” recovery, followed by endless hours of sitting out while watching the football game on TV. “We want players to experience the true football life,” McTackle said. “And nothing says football more than a 30-minute cutscene of an athlete icing his ankle.”
While NFL Injury Reserve 2025 is already being hailed as “the most realistic football game yet,” it’s unclear how many fans will be willing to drop $70 to watch their favorite players sit on the bench. But EA, as always, is confident that the masses will buy it up, because “these are the same morons who buy Madden every year.”
Source: Trust me, bro.
Comments